jorn
Friday, October 26, 2012
FUCKNOZZLE
I love the word fucknozzle. I think it's the best. I mean, sure DoucheCanoe is right up there.
But, hell yeah, fucknozzle. Keep on.... errr...... nozzling...the fucks?
Whatever. Go away.
But, hell yeah, fucknozzle. Keep on.... errr...... nozzling...the fucks?
Whatever. Go away.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
1. I hate spam.
2. I also hate MLM scams, work-from-home ripoffs and other Amwayish "be your own boss!" rubbish.
3. Plus, I really hate self-annointed experts in something, especially when that something may be nonexistent in the first place.
The Internet is full of all three. Awww, hell, the planet is. Worst of all, though, is when all three are combined in to one hideous Frankenstein's monster of douchebaggery. Twitter seems to be the new haven for these retched beasts.
Here's a prime example of things that make me sigh heavily when I see them in my inbox:
Behold all those titles! I find it kind of interesting how his (supposed) law degree and MBA are just sort of buried in there among the other stuff.
But the initial groaner here is this: I don’t know this guy, and he doesn’t know me. And I’m not believing for one second that he’s personally interested in what I have to say on Twitter. So, why follow me? Here’s my theory, and I think it’s a pretty sound one (please correct me if I’m wrong, because I’m making this up):
- MLM lackey, be it real or robot, follows you.
- You follow them back, because that’s the polite, mindless-lemming thing to do, right?
- Repeat the above about 6 thousand times.
- His stream of useless marking dribble is now a part of your Twitter feed. i.e. you are a free captive audience.
- He then takes his impressive follower count and says “See? I’ll sell you my trick for doing this for only $900!”
- A few people buy this boneheaded scam. Desperate to get their money back, they have to resort to doing the exact same crap.
Like I said, I kinda just made that up. But, I’ll bet it’s pretty close.
I get maybe 6-10 follows like this a week. ALL of them I report for spam. Some, I also reply to asking who they are, if I know them, etc. I truly am curious just what it is that’s going on here. Is my theory above correct? Do they have any dignity? Heck, are any of them even real human beings?
I sent Simon a message, one written to maybe get his attention:
Oh, did I mention? My Twitter profile has NOTHING in common with his. It even has a line about me not being here to sell anything, and that anybody who is will get reported for spam. I got a dollar on Simon not bothering to even care who I was. Anyway, he replied!
He’s real! Let the fun begin.
Now, let’s look back on Simon’s “I also have a huuuuge penis, rawr!” credentials above. For being such an expert on Twitter and all things Internetty, it does seem odd that he presumes Twitter has some sort of profanity filter on it. And his confusion over the “Geek by profession” line in my profile? Really, Simon? Really? I know you’re in Australia and all, but isn’t English a primary language for both of us?
I’m actually worried this might not be as much fun as I hoped. See, I fear Simon is actually too stupid to even make this much of a game. I’m not sure who he is mentoring; maybe it’s nobody. Anyway, I replied, a bit annoyed by his ignorance.
I’m serious about the profile question. I actually want him to tell me what he’s doing. Anyway, that’s where it stands right now. I’m waiting for his genius to rain down upon me.
Oh, Simon has a blog/website thing. Pleas don’t go look at it. You’ll die.
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